&& sometimes we just can't help it }

[brenarson]

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If you find this diary
then I'm probably dead.
That's the only reason
that I would leave it out
in the open, so exposed to
prying eyes. There are
some things that people
just shouldn't see. Ever.
Please know that when
I died, I went out with
a bang.
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Þetta er á dagbók af
Brennivín Ãlafúr Goðrúanarson

[brenarson]

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Saturday
Kæru Dagbók,

I finally got you, diary. It's so weird, telling you things that I wouldn't tell anyone else. You need a better name, though.. you're so good at keeping my secrets and making me feel safe. Thank you. Þakka þér. I think I'll name you Leyn. Do you like that? I hope you do. You're so much nicer to me than Aland. He's being mean to me.. he won't let me sit on him anymore.. for a chair, he has such an odd personality. He should be more like Fenno, yes? Sweet and shy. I'm beginning to think he likes me a bit more than a bed should like a boy.. but.. oh well. As long as he doesn't make me sleep on Amet again. He's getting annoyed. Not to mention Aland always makes me sit on him when he gets mad at me. 'Sit on the rug, Bren! He's had it too good for too long!'

I'm so glad I have you now, Leyn. Please don't tell anyone what I say, though.. this needs to stay between you and me. I'm going to be writing a lot in here.. and maybe a few doodles too.. but mainly writing. My teachers said it would be good for me.

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Sunday
Kæru Dagbók,

Hi again, Leyn. I missed you, but I promised myself we'd only talk once a day. You know, so I can do my work and stuff. It's nothing personal, I really like you. You're a great listener. I just don't want to get behind.

Today was nothing unusual, but I found someone to help with my cartography! He's French, so I can really use what he knows. Remi, I think his name is. He's kinda cute. Oh.. now Fenno is staring at me. Sorry Fenny! Anyway, he's gonna be coming over soon so we can get started. I have to find my pens and such.. they seem to have gotten lost in the piles of maps all over. Not to mention all the shiny stuff I don't remember hoarding. The perils of a raven, huh Leyn? Well.. you wouldn't know. Maybe I'll take you flying one day. It would be nice.

I can't wait though! I don't have many friends, besides you, Aland (who doesn't like me so much), Fenno, and Amet. Fenrir is being moody.. I won't use him for a while, let him get his rest. Being a footstool has to be hard, yes? I wouldn't want people stepping all over my back all day.. anyway. I'll let you go, Leyn. I'll see you tomorrow!

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Monday
Kæru Dagbók,

I don't remember what happened today.. it scares me. It's as if I was sleep walking the entire day. I know what I did, but I don't remember it.. I've had people tell me I was really hostile. I think hostile means mean, Leyn.. I'm not mean, am I?

I know that I woke up.. got dressed.. then I ate some Hákarl that I had stashed under my bed.. that can't have made me sick, Leyn. You may be a French diary, but the way we Icelandics make Hákarl is perfectly safe. What's not safe about fermented shark that's been buried for a year and left to rot in dirt? See? It's only one of the great things I have in my room. Anyway, after that I got dressed, grabbed my books, and went to math. After that, I went to chemistry.. I got detention in there for 'threatening another student and disturbing the peace.' I don't remember that, Leyn! I don't remember any of the day! I always sit in the back and write in chemistry! Then after that, I got yelled at in cartography! My favorite class! Then apparently I just skipped the rest of the day. I would never do that!

When I went to the office to see about my detention, they told me I took one of the beakers, broke it, and threatened to slash the throat of another student. I'm in tears, Leyn.. I don't know what could have happened. I'd never do that! I can't even fight back if someone hits me, let alone instigate something like that! It terrifies me.

Please, Leyn. Keep this private. Don't tell Fenno or Aland.. and definitely not Amet. I love you, Leyn. Oh, not like that, Fen! Stop being so protective! Anyway, bye.

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Tuesday
Kæru Dagbók,

So I did my detention today. It wasn't that bad.. I just did some essay. They wouldn't believe I didn't remember it, though.. because I spent all of my day in In School Suspension and detention, I don't have much to say. I didn't see anyone today, really.. except you, Leyn. You, Amet, Fenno, Aland and Fenrir. Fenno made me nap on the floor though..

I found my old bag, though. It's got my Icelandic flag on it. I loved it so much, and I've found it again! He never talks.. I don't think he's alive.. it's too bad, Leyn. He would have kept you nice company. I don't think he would be mean to anyone if he were.

I have to go sleep a bit more, I'm so tired.. I might talk to you later, Leyn. Bye.

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Thursday
Kæru Dagbók,

Leyn! I am so sorry I forgot to talk to you yesterday, something happened and I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I felt so sick.

I woke up yesterday.. and I just couldn't move. I was sore all over, like the sore you get when your body has been working out for hours on end and just can't take it anymore. I had bruises on my knuckles, like I'd been punching a wall, and a bit of blood on my forehead. I had to skip classes. It terrified me. I don't remember how I got them, though..

I'm better today, though.. thank god. The bruises are still thee, but they don't hurt as much. Fenno is being nice and letting me sleep on him. I skipped today, too, so that I could make sure I was better. I'll have to make up and entire map, but that's okay. Remi said he would help me, since I don't know much about France. Never been there, but I'd like to!

Anyway, Leyn, thanks for understanding. I'm really happy to have you. I'll see you again tomorrow.

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Friday
Kæru Dagbók,

Leyn, I'm crying. I don't know what to do. I woke up on my bed and there was blood everywhere, Fenno was crying, and now I am. There's blood all caked in my hair and all over my clothes. It's smeared across my face, like someone was fighting me. I know it's not my blood. I don't have any cuts. Leyn.. Leyn.. if.. if it's not my blood.. who's is it? Did I hurt someone? I hate hurting people, Leyn, I've never, ever hurt someone before! I would never hurt someone!

I don't know what to do. Aland is taunting me and Fenno is crying, he said he knew this was going to happen. Why did he know that? What have I done before that made him think like this? I need a shower. I need to get this blood off of me. what do I do with my clothes? Throw them away? Probably. Damnit.. this was my favorite shirt.. Fen liked it too.. oh well.

I have to shower. I'm starting to feel sick, Leyn. Bye.

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Sunday
Kæru Dagbók,

My mind is a blank.
I don't remember any of yesterday. Was it Saturday? Leyn, really, I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I got the blood from my hair, obviously, but I don't remember doing it. It's like I just slept the entire day. No one has spoken to me since. I.. I'm scared. Help me? What am I saying, you're just a notebook. You can't help, no matter how much we both want you to. I know, I love you too.. but I'm just out of it right now. I just.. need some support right now. Until I can get to a doctor.

I have to sleep. I'm exhausted.. it's like I ran a few miles yesterday.. night..

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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[brenarson]

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Monday
Kæru Dagbók,

I skipped classes today. I had to. I'm still sore. I got some work done, I had a boy from my cartography class bring it to me. He's sweet. I'm glad he's nice to me, at least. I'm still tired, but I've managed to stay awake a few hours straight. I was taking little cat naps, it seemed. .. ironic, since I'm a bird. Hah. Fenno's been nice, letting me sleep on him. <3

I can't wait to get back to class though. I get to make a map of Iceland! and Greenland! Yay!

I should go, I need to work on my other maps that are due. Bye, Leyn!

Undirritaður,
Brennivín.
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