A reunion? ( Ren )

[miyazaki]

Kazuaki walked into the teachers lounge, honestly he needed to get a microwave in his office, every time he tried to get hot chocolate or coffee, well, he didn't drink coffee, so that didn't matter much, it was cold by the time he remembered he had it and needed to drink it, it was cold. This had to have been the fifteenth time into that lounge with the same mug of hot chocolate, silent Latin curses slipped passed his lips as he struggled to loosen the lid on the cursed thing once more. To head to the lounge was really the only time he had left his office all day, he had been rather preoccupied with his guitar, he had enjoyed himself, it had been a while since he had successfully managed to win some time to play out of love rather than teaching.

Eventually after he had manged to get the lid off of the contraption, he started whispering the lyrics to a Japanese song that he had often sang when he was in his 'academy days', god that made him sound old. He started the microwave with his mug in it oblivious to whether or not there were other people in the room or not. He sighed lightly, he had been enjoying himself lately, too much, he needed to settle down, he had missed at least two weeks of classes, two weeks out of his pay that could be going to improving his bike, Kawasaki Ninja 250, a beauty, of course, almost none of it was the regular Kawasaki anymore, most of the parts had been removed and replaced to make it more durable, faster, and smoother to ride. Though it had proven to be the dumbest idea ever, as he was now having to compete against his, boyfriend, the term brought a smile to his lips, and left a flutter in his stomach.

Of course, his mind had been clouded a lot by Maui, a lot a lot. He was handsome, mostly kind, and cuddly, and he was ultimately loveable, really what attracted Kazuaki to Maui was his personality, it wasn't something that someone could describe in one attempt, there was a variety of him, and he seemed to like Kazuaki just as much as Kazuaki liked him, and once more Kazuaki was lost to the thoughts of his Maui, his. He could rightfully claim him his. Kazuaki pulled his hot chocolate out of the microwave and attempted to get a sip, only to flinch, it was hot chocolate alright.

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Tag: Ren (Sie) ¢¾
Words: 420-ish
Notes: ;x; fail
Outfit: >> eventually

[prentice]

[atrb=background,http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b58/RaevynsTears/0896ac61f361400328c09f49d21168aa.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] 彼は春の時間が大嫌いだった... He tended to disappear when spring came, abruptly his life becoming much smaller and quieter, as he lingered in his office as much as possible. His intake on Kleenexes would increase exponentially; he was quick to run out of breath and he often looked like he hadn’t slept in a long while. Now, normally speaking, Ren would begin taking allergy medication sometime in early winter which was something that he had some how neglected and thus… He was paying the price. A hand came to fiddle with the medical mask, a measure that only offered him moderate relief from his allergies, a soft cough escaped him as he stared blankly at the student that was asking him a question. A slight twitch of his eyebrow, mind desperately trying to grapple with the words that had been spoken. ‘I have a funeral to go to, Professor Urban, is it… Is it alright if my assignments are late? I won’t be here to hand them in…’ “How long… Shall you be away Miss…?” For the life of him he couldn’t remember the girls name, probably would have failed at remembering should it have been on a tag stuck to her chest. But rather than pointing that out he scooped up a pen and jotted down her last name when she repeated it to him, for what must have been the sixth time, jotting down the dates he tilted his head slightly. “A week after you… I shall expect the assignments upon my desk… Now if you would excuse me.”

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‘P-Professor are you alright?’

“Of course… It is merely allergies.”

すべてがかすんでいた...

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Some how he had managed to drag himself from his office, in a feat of what was pure will he was sure, the world hazy enough to have him wanting nothing more than to just crawl in to his room and doze the entire season away. Not that he could do that, or had ever been able to, but for the first time in a long time he found himself regretting his lack of foresight and perhaps not buying the allergy medication before hand. Not that it mattered what he wished, or regretted, the fact of the matter was he was stuck walking around in a haze of allergy induced headaches and lack of proper oxygen. It was little wonder, really, that people seemed to suddenly think he was either dying or really quite contagious.

Almost before his mind had registered where he was he was dragging his barely alive body in to the teachers lounge. A place where, for the most part, teachers could escape from the students and the dozens of questions and maybe find something moderately edible, or drinkable, should the mood strike for such a thing. Letting the door close under it’s own weight he absently teased fingers through his blonde hair.

あなたが歩いている場所に目を離さないで...

His shoulder connected with the other occupant of the room just as his mind alerted him to the fact that there was actually some one in there with him. Jolting, as if he had received an electric shock from the contact, Ren took a few steps back from who ever it was with hardly more than a glance. With a muttered word that might have been sorry he started to turn away from who ever it was, seeking to put distance between them, and maybe find a nice corner to die in. Once again he spit out something that was either the beginning or middle of a sentence and likely wouldn’t have made sense to any one other than him anyways.“Should be…”

Tagged: Kittylove. ♥
Word Count: five.nine.six.
Outfit: HearHere.
OOC comment: Pft. xD; Sorry, love.
Credit: This was made by me. xD; With a lotta frustration.

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[miyazaki]

[atrb=background,http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff305/Rika_Rose_Soul/background-1.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true] Kazuaki hadn't noticed the other man enter the room, he was preoccupied by his thoughts which had switched from Maui, to some sort of mathematical equation about counting notes. As always it was hard to keep him focussed on one subject, though it did come as a surprise when the man, who he didn't know existed bumped into him. His hot chocolate splashing a little bit onto the floor, he growled a little in his throat, "Watch where you're going, that could have burned someone!" He wanted to shove him, it was a childish habit he still hadn't shed, picking occasional fights, and as many children do, he decided to indulge himself, and shoved the man with one hand as hard as he could without falling on his face. He set his face into a displeased look and set his mug into the sink, not wanting to stain the counter, before getting a damp paper towel and dabbing up the hot chocolate on the carpet (assuming it was carpet). He sighed, not even bothering to look at the other man that was in the room with him as he did so, though he felt the need to apologize, for saying what he did, because had he been paying attention he could have avoided being bumped into. One just never really expects to have someone walk into them. He threw the towel away fairly sure that the chocolate wouldn't stain now. "Sorry, snapping like that was wrong of me." He apologized, he felt a little better. He washed the outside of his mug and attempted to take a sip out of it, a failed plan that was, it was still burning hot, he frowned, upset by the fact that he put his chocolate in for too long. He sighed and finally looked up at the blonde haired man, he was tall, looked strong, would probably be a good thing he apologized, he would hate to get murdered by someone who looked much more capable of fighting than Kazuaki himself was. That and starting a fight with a fellow teacher could land him jobless, he could use the job, for he really didn't want to move back to Japan. He would not be too pleased on having to leave his niece and his Maui behind either, he would probably wind up trying to drag Maui home with him so he didn't have to be seperated from him., though he doubted Maui would be happy by that fact so it was better to just push those thoughts away from his mind. Tags: Sieangel Words: Like 412? Notes: >> if I need to, I shall... change it.

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[prentice]

[atrb=background,http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b58/RaevynsTears/0896ac61f361400328c09f49d21168aa.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] たぶん彼は盲目だった... He was blind… Or maybe it was just the fact that his mind was just sleep deprived that had allowed him to some how forget about the man he’d run in to almost as soon as he’d taken his attention off of the male. Maybe if it had been someone he knew perhaps his attention wouldn’t have been stolen by the air so quickly. Regardless of all of that, though, even with allergies it was less than polite to space out so quickly on someone who was obviously a co-worker of some sort. It took him maybe a half a minute to remember that there was someone else in the room. A small breath eased in to him trying to find the right words to apologize for being so rude. The words, however, were brutally murdered when a hand connected with his chest and pushed him back. Surprise flittered across his features just bare seconds before his internal balance ultimately failed. It wasn’t very often that he found himself on the ground with out either the looming threat of violence or the weight of someone pressing him down. Dimly he was aware of his elbow throbbing from catching his weight on it. Tilting his head he looked up at Kazuaki, blinking slowly, listening to the other man talk but not really in the sense of listening to the words. For some reason it caused a small spark of pain, and almost longing, in his chest. A soft sigh escaped him as he dropped back on to the floor abruptly lacking the energy to even pick himself up again. 彼は気にして自分自身をもたらすことができなかった... “Suppose… Deserved that…”

[/color] The half completed sentence slipped from his lips, eyes flicking upwards to the ceiling, another small breath escaped him. Eyes slid closed for a long moment as the temptation to sleep once again washed over him. It dragged at his eyes and mind but rather than giving in to the temptation he curled on to his side, a half done attempt to get up, at least until he managed to gain the energy to return to his feet. His return to his feet was sluggish at best taking him far too long to complete such a simple move. The fact that he was just this tired and lazy from his allergies was just utterly pathetic. “Mrn, I apologize that was… Rude of me to fail to realize that you were there.”[/color]

それともカフェインはトリックを行うだろう...

Absently Ren ran a hand through his hair again and made his way to the cupboard where they kept the reusable mugs. Pulling one of them out, and a quick glance to ensure that the thing was visibly clean, he set it down on the counter just barely with part of the edge hanging off. Stepping away from the cup he grabbed one of the readily available packets of green tea and grabbed the kettle, which was unluckily (or perhaps luckily) empty. Yet another soft sigh escaped him as he refilled the kettle. “How… Do you happen to be today?”[/color]

Tagged: Kittylove. ♥
Word Count: notaclue?
Outfit: HearHere.
OOC comment: Pft. xD; Sorry, love.
Credit: This was made by me. xD; With a lotta frustration.

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[miyazaki]

[atrb=background,http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff305/Rika_Rose_Soul/background-1.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true] There was something about the man that just made his aggressiveness push out, but he would have to battle that, the feelings in him, he was having a terriffic day, he didn't need to let some stranger destroy it. Perhaps he had just chosen a wrong time to decide that he needed a warm drink, there was nothing wrong with cold hot chocolate, besides for the fact that it was just milk with chocolate in it, and he wasn't even supposed to have chocolate so, he could have just left it, it would have been the smart thing. "Nah; you didn't deserve it, it was more... instinct. High school taught me nothing about mannors." He chuckled lightly, it was true, if anything his manners deteriated in high school, always shoving kids around, being the big bad wolf. Though he did his home work and locked himself away in his dorm a lot, especially for the two years before graduation. Before he found a reason to be scared of love. He looked down at his mug, the smile that had just graced his lips moments ago whashed away as he let his mind go into the depressing topic. "Mmn," he waved him off, "Do not apologize; had I myself been paying attention I could have avoided the collision as well. Heh, it's odd being the collided into, rather than doing the colliding." Another chuckle slipped from his throat, he was having one of those days where his mood was just about as scattered as his thoughts. Though it was true, had he been paying attention he could have easily flattened himself out of the way, everyone had those days where they were dead to the world, he had those days a lot, especially after a long night. "I... happen to be well, thank you, and you?" He asked finally successfuly take a sip of his hot chocolate, he stared at it blankly, before he simply dumbed it out, wanting one of those rare moments where he wanted someone to attempt to kill him, just to prove he was that big of an idiot, he was allergic to chocolate, what the hell was he thinking? He pulled the epi pen out of his pocket and held it to the side so the other man couldn't see, and he checked the doses left, of course he it was empty. "By the way; I'm Kazuaki Miyazaki, teacher of the ensemble and orchestra practice." Tag: SieAngel Notes: >>; yeah... WC: v.v; 400+ Outfit: Hah i got it!

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[prentice]

[atrb=background,http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b58/RaevynsTears/0896ac61f361400328c09f49d21168aa.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] 今日は悪い一日だったわ... As more time passed all Ren wanted to do was call it an end and crawl in to a shallow grave and just die. Indeed half way through filling up the kettle he wanted nothing more to just set the thing down. Twisting the water off he hid his yawn in his elbow, despite the fact that the act was rendered useless by the mask, as if it would be rude to yawn while his back was facing the other teacher. It took an obscene amount of concentration to pay attention to someone who was speaking while he wasn’t watching their lips. “If it helps any… Out of my graduating class I was considered to be the most likely to be come a serial murderer. And generally psychotic with near weekly meetings with one of the psychology teachers… Which were nothing more than glorified staring matches that wasted time… But then…” Ren stopped to muse over that as he gracelessly stuck the kettle on to the burner. Perhaps it was the allergies that had him thinking more and more in the past than in the present. “I suppose breaking an older teens nose barely three steps on to school property didn’t give much aid to my reputation at this school while I was a student… Much off topic rambling later… I suppose my reply should be. You are not alone there, my friend, high school wrought some interesting changes upon us all.” 彼は口を閉ざして必要があります... Really he should have learned back when his allergies had first hit him that keeping his mouth shut was a better idea than just rambling on an on. After all the more he talked the more likely it would be that he’d spit some words out that he’d rather not have said at all. Back during his one, and quite frankly only, bout of dating his partner had managed to drag answers, even if incomplete, out of him when he was loopy. And it seemed that Masato… Masato seemed to have learned that he was more prone to telling truths than almost lies while loopy. It was a force of will to make himself shut up, really, and fire out some sort of relevant reply to what they were talking about. “I have had three people think that I am dying and one try to take me to the hospital… Severe allergies are always a riot. Beyond that I am sure you can tell that I am perhaps more like a living zombie, or some such, than I am like a normal human being.”

[/color] He barely waited for the water to heat up before he grabbed that mug and filled it. Dropping the tea bag in to the mug he crouched down to open the lower cupboards in search for the sugar cubes. A surprise sneeze slipped out of him, drowning out the mans words with a shot of pain and noise, followed by a low growl as he brought a hand up to where he’d smacked his head against the counter.

Tagged: Kittylove. ♥
Word Count: notaclue?
Outfit: HearHere.
OOC comment: The Renmuse is not having funtimes. xD;
Credit: This was made by me. xD; With a lotta frustration.

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[miyazaki]

[atrb=background,http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff305/Rika_Rose_Soul/background-1.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true] Kazuaki continued to stare into his empty mug, he was an idiot, he actually took a drink of it, hopefully not enough to cause a reaction, but still, he waited in silence a few moments before putting the epi pen away, it was no use, even if he did have an allergic reaction. He would have to go to the pharmacy later, especially if his desire to have hot chocolate continued on much longer. Really he just thought it was the chocolate he wanted, not so much the milk part of it. He tilted his head lightly. "You were expected to be a mass murderer? Hah, this school has proven good to let the trouble makers of old in as staff." He chuckled and moved to rinse out his cup, he was a trouble maker, his cousin was insane, and this man obviously needed some sort of help, if he had just admitted to boring staring competitions with the school psychologist. He shook his head lightly, perhaps the school was just stupid, or perhaps they thought that the six years Kazuaki had been away from it had straightened him out, who knew what the school thought of the man he spoke to. Of course, shoving around a kid near daily, attempting to kick his ass near daily, and almost near daily failing at doing it, yeah, you get a bit of a record. Then when somehow that violence turned into romance, you know something is wrong. Though Kazuaki wouldn't complain about that year and a half, except for maybe the end, but had it not ended, Kazuaki would probably still be with the man and wouldn't be able to be with Maui. Though he had loved the man, Maui was warmer and nicer, and definately more cuddly then he was. He shook his head, getting the thoughts out of his head. "You... do kind of look like you got ran over by a freight train... but there is no solid defination of normal, so perhaps you are the 'normal' one and... we are... the... uh... strange? ones." He blinked, trying to figure out how to make normal, not normal. Though his thoughts were interrupted by a sneeze and a smack, he blinked stupidly at the man, "Hey, are you alright?" He sighed and set his cup down, and assuming there's a freezer, got ice cubes out of the freezer and wrapped them in a towel, and held them out for the man who had just hit his head. Tag: SieAngel Notes: >>; yeah... WC: v.v; 420+ Outfit: Hah i got it!

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[prentice]

[atrb=background,http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b58/RaevynsTears/0896ac61f361400328c09f49d21168aa.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] このままでは彼は自身を殺す... It was pathetic how much internal whining he was doing about his allergies, really, after all he was not the only person who suffered from Spring time allergies. A soft sigh escaped him again. For some reason memories of his high school life stung, in a deep aching way, probably because he’d turned his back on the only person who’d cared enough to drag him out of his shell. A slight shrug escaped him, he didn’t really consider himself much of a trouble maker, granted it had only been when he was paired with his roommate and partner that they had ever caused trouble. “Apparently they thought that opening a Criminal Psychology, and Criminal Anthropology, and I was on that short list of people they considered to teach it.” It was true, that little fact, even before he had truly graduated he had been approached with the option to return to the one place that was safe for shifters and teach students. Ignoring the other man, after all his head was fine if only aching a bit more and not just from sinus pressure. Waving a hand slightly, and not accepting the ice, returned to blindly searching for the damn sugar cubes. His fingers curled around a cool porcelain container, and he pulled it out with little more than a glance, sliding it along the counter with a simple push of fingers he stood again. With little more than a glance he deposited whatever was in the container in to his cup and followed it with some of the now hot water and then a tea bag. Rather than waiting for the tea to steep he merely stirred the thing a few times, tossed the spoon in to the sink. Pulling the mask down he downed a quarter of a glass; a small frown crossing his features at the sickening sweetness and almost burning sensation that didn’t have anything to do with swallowing barely flavoured hot water. A soft wheeze escaped him as he fixed the mask, casting a small glance towards Kazuaki, his fingers curled around the container and he absently shuffled the thing back in to the cupboard. Yet again Ren had the urge to gouge out the part of his mind that reminded him that despite the fact some considered him a genius he really did feel quite stupid at times. ‘Oh… Trying to kill yourself now are we, Ren? Or just that daft to be unable to recognize the taste of honey when it touches your tongue?’ Tagged: Kittylove. ♥ Word Count: notaclue? Outfit: HearHere. OOC comment: Fail post. Credit: This was made by me. xD; With a lotta frustration.

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[miyazaki]

[atrb=background,http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff305/Rika_Rose_Soul/background-1.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true] Kazuaki sighed, and sat on the counter, probably not something that was exactly welcomed but he didn't care, it wasn't like anyone actually cooked on these counters, there wasn't a damn stove anywhere in sight, though it would have been nice if they had one, because then he could actually cook somewhere. He shook his head and watched the man, a familiar feeling was coming off of him, it might have been the allergies, his 'mate' if one so chose to call it that, had had severe allergies as well, he had honestly gotten more information off of him in his dazed state then he had ever gotten off of him before. Though later on, he had felt guilty for taking advantage of him when he should have been taking care of him, which he had attempted, but he still had taken advantage of him. "So you have a thing with criminals? I honestly would be terrified of such a subject, especially since I'm in a top position to be a criminal." He laughed if you could count constantly driving insanely fast a reason to be a criminal, though it could, because it endangered his own life and the lives of others around him, he paused in thought perhaps he shouldn't have said that, though he doubted this man would take it as nothing more than a joke. As, that was the true intentions, to try to relax the weird feelings he was getting from the man. He frowned lightly as he neglected the ice, why were men so stubborn? He himself was pretty stubborn but at least he would accept and ask for help if it got to that point. He watched him put honey into his tea, surely it wasn't a wise idea, but maybe it wasn't the spring 'fever' he had thought it was. Though as soon as his mask was down and even though the mug of tea went over his face, silent recognition before Kazuaki, not only did this man feel familiar, but he was familiar, this was his previous mate earlier referenced in his thought process. He stared numbly for moments, unable to bring himself to react or think, he was in shock, how had someone from his past managed to find him, or had he found Kiyoshi? He could not tell, he didn't know who had gotten there first, most likely Kiyoshi, he graduated a year before him, he had more time to study, but he didn't want to find Kiyoshi, he wanted to let the bastard rot in his memory for eternity, and banish the secret thoughts of hoping he was alright and well. Not be staring at him like an idiot while he drank tea... with honey in it. Kazuaki blinked finally, Kiyoshi couldn't have honey! "Kiyoshi! You moron! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" He moved in a flash stealing the cup from him and shoving him back as hard as he could, he quickly poured the tea out and set the mug in the sink before turning on the man with near murderous anger, "You're so irrisponsible! You need to pay more attention Kiki! What the hell's wrong with you?" He hovered by him with a glare, it had been ages sinces he seen him, three years short of a decade come the end of this school year. Suddenly his mood shifted and tears began to fill his eyes, he was pitiful, he couldn't look at Kiyoshi any more without crying, he had truly thought Kiyoshi had loved him, and he had loved Kiyoshi, and part of him still did. But Kiyoshi had destroyed him, and it hurt, a lot, even to think about it hurt. He wiped at his face quickly trying to avoid shedding the tears that were already sliding down his face. If he had just stayed out of the lounge at that time he could have avoided the turmoil he now felt running through his mind, all of the memories with Kiyoshi flooded back, from their first meeting, to their first kiss, to their more intimate and sexual moments, to their end, and everything in between those moments. Though his mind lingered on the more intimate and sexual moments, many of them were shared violently but lovingly, at least, to him. A knot grew in his stomach, why couldn't he stop crying!? It was annoying him, he shouldn't be so torn up over the man, he was over him, he had his love, someone who wanted to be with him, not because they were roommates, but by choice. Maui came and saw him, and agreed to go on a date with him, he had to pretty much beg Kiyoshi to go on a date, he would have rather stayed in where he could ignore people. Kazuaki was sure that in those time consuming moments where he was teaching Kiyoshi guitar, and when Kiyoshi was teaching him sign language, he would have rather stayed silent and did his home work. He brought his hands up, remembering that Kiyoshi preferred to show rather than say what was on his mind, and preferred to see rather than hear what was on others minds. Such silly preferences Kazuaki had stored in his mind, did it truly matter? But even after their relationship ended, Kazuaki had kept on learning the language. Honestly, learning something that had started to be taught to him had helped him cope with the break up more, because that way, knowing there was a language they two shared, and not many others did, was a comfort, it held him close to him still. Most people wanted nothing to do with their exes after a break up, but Kazuaki had been shattered, near completely, with only his brothers to pick up the pieces, Sayuri had gone, he couldn't run to his elder anymore for comfort, for suggestions on how to dull the pain, as he was sure she knew from her own break up, she had caused, but she had been just as broken, if not more so, than he had. They were always close, even when Sayuri was beating the hell out of him. He sighed, he wanted nothing more than to cling to Maui at that moment, to hide away in the coolness of his friend, his love. He refused to let the sob that was building up in his throat by his thoughts, by his memories, to escape, no, he would let the tears be free, but not the sounds. He would save those until he was either in the arms of Maui, or hiding in his bathtub again as he had done so many times when his feelings had engulfed him, as if the tub could contain them and slowly let them drain down. He had no other way of venting his emotions unless he went for a run or hit something really hard, and at that moment, he felt like doing neither, well that was a lie. He wanted to kick Kiyoshi's ass, for leaving him, for letting him be alone, for letting him be vunerable and abused by those who were stronger, honestly, he wanted him to die, he should have shoved the tea down his throat, gotten rid of him, gotten revenge for the pain he caused, but he had been more concerened than not, he was an idiot, a vunerable idiot. But as he forced more tears back, or let more out, and held the sobs back and the desire to run away, and stopped the desire to kill the man, he held his hands infront of his chest almost protectively, not daring to risk a blow to the ribs should Kiyoshi punch him as his fingers moved in odd symboles and shapes that were probably intricate looking to others, but to him and Kiyoshi, it would have been easy, easy things that they were used to, Kiyoshi more so. "Please tell me you have an epi pen on you, please." The hand symbols that formed Japanese Sign Language (JSL) were almost desperate in Kazuaki's mind, he didn't want Kiyoshi to die, at least the part of him that still loved him, okay, almost all of him wanted him to live, the thoughts of killing his previous mate had been out of rage, and out of reopening wounds that had taken forever and a day to heal, that hadn't fully healed. Just in case Kiyoshi hadn't been watching he voices his signals, "Please tell me you have an epi pen, please." this time desperation was in his voice as he looked at Kiyoshi through blurry vision. Tag: SieAngel Notes: >>; yeah... sorry for completely blowing up, when I said I was almost down, I only had four paragraphs, and 525 words, now look what I did v.v; WC: Yeah, I counted this one: 1458 (W/out coding and extra crap) -1589- (with coding and extra crap) Outfit: Hah i got it!

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[prentice]

[atrb=background,http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b58/RaevynsTears/0896ac61f361400328c09f49d21168aa.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] 彼逃げてい... It was ironic how much one’s thoughts could change the face of the world, and sad how his thoughts drifted away from the fact he’d probably just nailed yet another nail in to his coffin for more abstract thoughts. Once, in a debate with his class, they had gotten on the subject of the world. There had been plenty of students who believed that the world was unchangeable and that every step was preordained from choices before. Others thought that it was words and actions that gave birth to change and from their movements were born. And then there were those like Ren himself. Who believed that a very thought could transform the very face of the world. ‘I have always believed that a very thought could change the world. After all it can be argued that a simple thought gives birth to an action or two a word. It means that every second of every minute, all passing time, is important in it’s own way. And yet… And yet there is nothing more selfish, and rude, than thinking that you as a person can change the world with a simple thought. Like a tide humanity is carried along by whims of the majority. A thought can change the world… But only if the masses decide to carry it with them as a truth. Life or death, love or hate, as long as you live your life like it matters and that you can change the world even in small ways… What you can do in this life has fewer boundaries.’ He remembered the odd looks that he had gotten after spitting out all those words, as if he had done something particularly interesting. But on the topic of changing the world with a mere thought… Perhaps that was how he had summoned a specter of his past to him. Or maybe it was just delusions… Ren would rather the delusions to seeing a ghost that prodded at unhealed wounds in his heart. It made him want to run, a thing that seemed common when it came to Kazuaki, made him want to hide some where and lick his wounds and pray that the next time he decided to come out that everything would have disappeared. All those things that he would have preferred to leave festering in the darkness of his own mind. Ironic how he’d both wished to see this particular person and had hoped that the day would never come and that they would never meet again. In some ways, he supposed, that not knowing would have been better than knowing… Knowing that Kazuaki had been close enough to touch for a while… And then there was an insane urge to just punch Kazuaki in the face, for caring, after the break up his once boyfriend should have wanted him to find a pit of hell to burn in. Not care that he was in enough of a daze to not check if what he’d thrown in to his tea was sugar or a spoonful of honey. But more than any of that, all those fleetingly quick thoughts, was the abrupt pain at having someone call him his given name. ‘Kiyoshi’. "Kiyoshi! You moron! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" Maybe some twisted part of Ren was trying to kill himself, in some abstract passive way, but more than that hearing the name ‘Kiyoshi’ used to refer to him was almost like being kicked in the chest. After having Ari full out tell him that he wasn’t Kiyoshi and more, and thus wasn’t Ari’s little brother, it hurt so very much to hear that name again… Now that he finally seemed to have separated himself from the stigma of not being the same person he had been before the coma. And it was thrown back in to his face, if unwittingly, and it caused all the pain and insecurity to rush back. "You're so irresponsible! You need to pay more attention Kiki! What the hell's wrong with you?" Getting shoved back was nothing truly new for Ren, not really anyways, nor was gracelessly crashing against the table and upsetting the various cutlery and other miscellaneous objects that littered the surface. Ultimately the small spike of pain meant nothing in the face of the sudden insecurity that was taking over him. He wasn’t ready, wasn’t prepared, to face Kazuaki again. Not yet, maybe not ever, not when he’d torn himself up over trying not to completely breaking Kazuaki and running away to hide his own pain under ice and praying never to feel again. Funny how lately, since that coma of his, all his edges felt raw and ready to break and bleed all the more. His mind derailed from trying to find his epi-pen, and prevent the near death sentence he had handed himself. He was so focused on this specter of his past, this person he both loved and hated, that his mind had left behind the fact that his throat was closing and lowly leading him towards the ideal of death. ‘Masato would be upset if he was here…’ 戦場... Ren’s eyes slid closed, a soft choked breath easing out of him, taking in the mental representation of his own mind. There were so many people who talked about how the mental representation of a person could be seen with in. Some described that inner place as beautiful and clear, and natural. Some had described them as unnatural places like spires and cities that humans chose to live in. And there were those who’s mental representation of themselves was a battlefield. Just as his was, it didn’t seem to matter when, but then he fought almost everything in his own way. Fought the bonds that tried to grow between him and others, fought every little thing until he’d won or drawn an uneasy truce born from mutual disregard. As always his inner battlefield was cluttered, cramped, and anything but pretty. In his minds eye he could see the black birds wheeling through the air, stark beauty, and nearly feel the concussive blasts of guns. And for an insane moment he remembered the two Kanata that he had hidden away in his room. A dry, choked, laugh escaped him at the thought of bringing an old family heirloom to his own internal battle. He felt, more than anything else, Kazuaki move in front of him. Slowly his eyes slid open his mind finally having closed off from the world. The heavy boundaries that he used having finally fallen in place and putting distance between him and his stormy emotions. Numbness seeped in to him, freezing all the sparks of emotions, a sort of blessed peace taking over him. Perhaps Ren should have been afraid, probably would have been better that way, but instead he merely watched Kazuaki’s fingers form the symbols of Japanese Sign Language. It drew a small amount of peace from him to see a language that he spoke for a good portion of his life, although he had to admit that Kazuaki was more coherent this time around, it was almost a sort of relief to see JSL again. All the same it took him a moment, and his once boy friend repeating it in English, for him to remember just what he should have been doing other than standing there spacing out. Now all he had to do was remember exactly what pocket he had stuck the damn thing in. Dropping his eyes, letting his hair fall over his face, his hands dropped to the pockets of his sweater checking them first. Tagged: Kittylove. ♥ Word Count: 1200-ish. v.v Outfit: HearHere. OOC comment: Mmph... SpaceyRenmuseisspacey. Sorry love. Credit: This was made by me. xD; With a lotta frustration.

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[miyazaki]

[atrb=background,http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff305/Rika_Rose_Soul/background-1.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true] How the hell could he still care about him? It wasn't right. He hadn't seen him in near seven years, and for the most part he had forgotten him, ignoring the nightmares that kept him up, perhaps if they hadn't broken they would have been called dreams. But why did he have to find him now? When things were finally starting to go well for him? He didn't need to have the confused feelings of both hatred and violence, he had been doing perfectly fine until he had shown up, he had been happy, for the most part. There was always something there to snuff the happiness at some point in time. He eyed him, more checked him out really, but there was no denying it he had grown, he had filled out, it was amazing he recognized him at all. His hair was blonde, it was honestly a sight to behold, he had known nothing but the black on the man. It was attractive on him, and Kazuaki wanted to shoot himself for the thought, for thinking that he was still attractive. The blonde suited his build, it accented his facial features. Kazuaki looked down blushing, how could he still take such a critical look at the appearance of someone he was no longer with. He sighed, as a desire to kiss the man welled up in him, he needed a good punch, perhaps Kiyoshio would supply that in the near future. He looked back up, his hands fidgeting with eachother, this was no JSL, but mere nervousness. He had someone, he couldn't be feeling for someone else, it didn't matter who it was, it didn't matter if he had history with him or not, their relationship had been nothing but violence and sex. He had enjoyed the closeness he had gotten from him though, holding him at night, knowing that he had been there, he had fallen in love with him, there was no doubt about that. He wiped his eyes. That was the past, this was the now, and Kiyoshi was no longer his. He almost wished he had drank that hot chocolate, trade places with Kiyoshi at the moment and let himself be the one that was going to slowly suffocate. He watched as he slowly searched his pockets, taking his sweet time as if his life didn't matter, Kazuaki growled lowly, "You are far more incompetent than I remember." He had managed to block the tears from slipping from him and he stepped closer reaching around his body to feel his back pockets, as he had expected, it had been where he had carried it when they were younger, his back packet, regardless if it probably felt like he had tried to feel him up. He grabbed the epi and held it up, "Same place as it was when we were younger, am I going to have to inject you too?" He sighed and stared at the taller man in the eyes, pushing himself to remove the emotions away. He flicked Kiyoshi's shoulder with the pen. "You should care more about your life, it's not replaceable. I'm sure you have friends who will miss you if you don't show a little more enthusiasm. Not everyone is going to know that you leave your epi in your back pocket. I'm just glad your habit of keeping it in your back pocket hasn't changed, it would be awkward to reach into the front of your pants, no?" He spoke slowly in Japanese, he wanted to speak in JSL to him, it felt instinctive after the year and a half with him, little under seven years ago, but that would fail as he was holding the epi pen waiting for him to take it. He looked at the man calmly, "I apologize for shoving you... twice. Though you were being stupid the second time, so I find it only fair." He ignored the fact that he himself had been stupid, and had drank chocolate, though not nearly enough to cause a severe allergic reaction, he was feeling the effects of a minor one, but nothing serious, he would live without an 'injection' as he gracefully put it. Tags: Sieangel Words: Like a lot Notes: >> if I need to, I shall... change it.

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[prentice]

[atrb=background,http://www.deviantart.com/download/94903358/Black_and_White_01___Frac_36_by_MDK_fractal.jpg][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] その歯は鋭利なカミソリです Its hiding in the dark. その歯は鋭利なカミソリです... Its teeth are razor sharp. 私のために逃げ道はありせん There is no escape for me A ragged chuckle escaped him, using the minimal oxygen that he had managed to drag in to his lungs; a part of him was convinced that Kazuaki was a hallucination. Even as the other man was looking him in the eyes, talking in a way that was distinctly Kazuaki, hell the other man even managed to remember where he kept his epi-pen. Nearly seven years later at it suddenly felt like it had only been yesterday since he had been face to face with Kazuaki. There was an insane part of his mind that was just locked on to the man who had pushed him to become better than he was that same part that wanted to reach out and touch his once ghost. The more rational part of him, and far quieter part, was once again reminding him that he could die from having put what was a bunch of pollen in to his body. It was times like these, really, where his one track mind was more of a curse than a blessing with the bulk of his mind concentrated on Kazuaki the allergic reaction was taking a back seat to the thoughts and feelings that were haunting his mind. There was an insane part of his mind that just wanted to reach out and touch the hallucination, it had to be a hallucination after all, prove that this wasn’t real in the least. A shaking hand came up, small twitches as his mind wanted to say something, but more pressing than even that was the light touch of his cold fingers against Kazuaki’s skin. Ren pulled back instantly almost as if he had been burned. It was confirmed now, well and truly confirmed, and for the sake of his own sanity he wasn’t about to go to a psychologist and get the final answer. He was a moron; a moron that in many ways still loved his one time boyfriend and irrevocably stupid for having built his life around a man who would likely never be his again. And the pain that stormed inside his mind and heart was greater than just having that person, that missing piece, close enough to touch. The pain of it all prickled at all the wires that held his emotional control together, gnawing at the sore wounds of his consciousness, some of it was from his own recent memory loss and the fact that just before his older brother had said such cruel things to him before ultimately committing suicide. The ghost of those haunting words that Ari had spit at him before disappearing like smoke. Truly who ever it was who had birthed him should have just let him die; rather than sticking him with a drug addict and letting that person look through the back of their head with the aid of a gun. If he had died back when he was a child he would have been saved from this… Whatever in the hell this drowning and breaking feeling was. He hated it, the twisting and turning agony that had absolutely nothing to do with the shift. There was little of the animal in this, almost none, the creature had gone in to hiding the moment the emotions passed what it was capable of understanding. This, this here right now, was just him and him alone and he was shattering. What little control he had managed to regain was quickly slipping away from him, twisting and turning, it was almost sad how quickly Kazuaki was able to break down all the barriers that Ren had always tried to put between himself and the world. Like how the first one had been broken with a fist to the face it seemed that Kazuaki was going to be able to break down the new walls too. Part of him hated it, completely hated it, how no matter what he did all those walls that he had tried to build kept being broken down. Like every time he tried to build up some sort of protection to hide those parts of him that hurt, hurt at the lightest touch, and the parts of him that he’d rather let fester in the darkness. Like the circumstances that had lead up to their break up, and the fiery pain that had stormed through his emotions, and the part of him that still loved Kazuaki despite the fact that it had been seven years… Seven years… And he had mocked Kohei about the fact that his older brother had held a slim hope for a girl he hadn’t survived to ever see again. Maybe Ari was the lucky one, even if it had been a dishonorable death by his own hand, maybe it was better never to see that person again. That way the damnable hope flared in the small part of his mind that still ached for the affirmation that someone would indeed want to be with him. Kazuaki’s words flowed by, like water with in a river, that odd part of Ren’s mind that seemed to have trouble with words kicking in once more. Even now, after years and years of rejoining the world as a nonmute person, he still found himself reliant on reading lips. A sad but true fact of his life, that he could hear and yet words still slipped by him, even after years of finally grasping what language was and that he could indeed use it… It was still complicated for him, still confusing, just like using the right tone in order to pass off thoughts. Or even the right words. More often than not he did upset people with what he did say, or more the fact that he rarely showed much emotional range, not that Kazuaki had ever seemed all that upset about it. “Stop it… Just stop.”

[/color] His fingers also formed the complex symbols that made up the Japanese Sign Language, it was almost sad how fast he fell back in to that habit, and he was just praying that Kazuaki was actually watching him. Almost absently he brought his fingers up to his throat, another choked breath escaping him, perhaps he should have been more worried about that. With the darkness that was slowly edging in to his sight, if only he could have got himself to care enough to even move and grab his epi-pen that Kazuaki had taken from his back pocket. Ren should have crossed the small amount of distance there was between him and the life saving antihistamines and get rid of the pollens that he’d put in to his stomach. His eyes flicked back to Kazuaki, the epi slipping back to, leaning against the table and bringing his hands up once more. “My apologies, could you repeat that once more?”[/div]

これは、私の魂を望んでいる
It wants my soul

私の心が望まれている
It wants my heart

これは、私の魂を望んでいる
No one can hear me scream

Tagged: Kittylove. ♥ ; Word Count: .one.one.three.two. ; Outfit: HearHere.
OOC comment: Dear lord. v.v Sorry, love.

多分それはただの夢だ
Maybe this is just a dream.

または多分それは僕の中です
Or maybe its inside of me?

この怪物を止め！
Stop this Monster!

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